i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
