I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize