You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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