Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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