I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
