Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
