i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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