You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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