I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
