well I can't set my house on fire every night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
