I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
