He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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