I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am midnight drunk by noon
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
