I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
