dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
