This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
