I hate all girls vehemently.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
