I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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