this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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