I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
