Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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