At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
