If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize