Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fuck appropriateness.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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