considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
