just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize