the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
