I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
