You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
