im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
