I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
