opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
