One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
