Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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