he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize