Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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