Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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