i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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