and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
