I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
