as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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