even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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