He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
