no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
