I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
