Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
