you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
