I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
