I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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