His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
