Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
