rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
