I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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