I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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