Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
