Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She is in my trunk
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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