just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
