A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
