just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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