just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
