you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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