i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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