Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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