I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
