My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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