Come see our sink grown plant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
