A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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