i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
