my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
