ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
